Do you ever feel lonely in your marriage? Do you sometimes feel like you are just going through the motions — wake up, deal with kids, handle your work responsibilities (at home or outside), and rush through the dinner-and-bedtime routine, then fall asleep in front of the television set without a real conversation ever passing between you? Are there certain quirks and habits that you used to find cute and endearing, now make you want to scream? While “divorce” is never an option, do you ever contemplate taking a L-O-N-G vacation — all by yourself?
In his book Love, Marriage and Children, Archbishop Fulton Sheen acknowledges that most couples go through three stages of marriage: the blissful honeymoon moment, followed by a “crisis” moment that leads to a deeper and more satisfying intimacy. Unfortunately, when real life slaps us in the face and we transition into that “crisis” mode, many of us just give up. Some give up altogether, opting for separation or divorce — or a creeping “separateness” that leaves a couple feeling like roommates rather than lovers.
Fortunately, there is an alternative: “This moment of crisis,” writes Sheen, “is one in which a true and lasting love is within easy reach, if one but dies to egotism and selfishness. One may have hit the bottom of ego, but one has not hit the bottom of love; what is exhausted is the instinct, not the mind and the heart. The death of illusions is not the death of love. … As the food of the first moment consisted of gifts and flowers, so now the food of the third movement is the utilization of the trials, the ennui, the quarrels, and the petty worries of life to create a state of love which is always there, but which comes to consciousness only when certain occasions present themselves.”
In a word, when we rediscover the person whom we have vowed to love “till death parts us,” and who has promised to love us “as Christ loved the Church.”
The “40-Day Challenge” is a prayerful exercise of loving intention, allowing God to work in us so that we might become the partner our spouse needs us to be. As we continue to surrender to God, the Divine Bridegroom, we allow Him to work in our lives and marriages, leading us to love those closest to us with a purer and more Christlike love.
To take the 40-Day Challenge, begin here.
Day 1: The Prayer of Surrender (Wednesday, March 9)
Day 2: The Silence of Scholastica (Thursday, March 10)
Day 3: Acceptance (Friday, March 11)
Day 4: Beauty (Saturday, March 12)
First Sunday of Lent: Family Day! (Sunday, March 13)
Day 5: Submission, Headship, and Complementarity (Monday, March 14)
Day 6: Dreaming (Tuesday, March 15)
Day 7: Diversions (Wednesday, March 16)
Day 8: Finances (Thursday, March 17)
Day 9: Forgiveness (Friday, March 18)
Day 10: Fun! (Saturday, March 19)
Second Sunday of Lent: Family Day! (Sunday, March 20)
Day 11: Generosity (Monday, March 21)
Day 12: Gratitude (Tuesday, March 22)
Day 13: Health (Wednesday, March 23)
Day 14: Hope (Thursday, March 24)
Day 15: Integrity (Friday, March 25)
Day 16: Keepsake (Saturday, March 26)
Third Sunday of Lent: Family Day! (Sunday, March 27)
Day 17: Leave and Cleave (Monday, March 28)
Day 18: Longing (Tuesday, March 29)
Day 19: Memories (Wednesday, March 30)
Day 20: Mercy (Thursday, March 31)
Day 21: Mystery (Friday, April 1)
Day 22: Night (Saturday, April 2)
Fourth Sunday of Lent: Family Day! (Sunday, April 3)
Day 23: Objectivity (Monday, April 4)
Day 24: Pride (Tuesday, April 5)
Day 25: Prayer (Wednesday, April 6)
Day 26: Quiet (Thursday, April 7)
Day 27: Respect (Friday, April 8)
Day 28: Sabbath (Saturday, April 9)
Fifth Sunday of Lent: Family Day! (Sunday, April 10)
Day 29: Talk! (Monday, April 11)
Day 30: Thoughtfulness (Tuesday, April 12)
Day 31: Trouble (Wednesday, April 13)
Day 32: Understanding (Thursday, April 14)
Day 33: Variety (Friday, April 15)
Day 34: Welcome (Saturday, April 16)
Special Palm Sunday Bonus: Family Day! (Sunday, April 17)
Day 35: Wealth (Monday, April 18)
Day 36: Wisdom (Tuesday, April 19)
Day 37: X-amine Your Own Marriage (Wednesday, April 20)
Day 38: Yes! (Holy Thursday, April 21)
Day 39: Zzzzz (Good Friday, April 22)
Day 40: What Now? (Holy Saturday, April 23)
Is it possible to sign up to receive emails for the 40-Day Challenge? What a fantastic idea! Just what I needed this Lenten season!
I’ve had a couple of requests for this, but unfortunately this time around I’ve got to keep things simple by having people log on to the website — my thesis is due at the end of this month, and so I have to keep things simple.
I’d appreciate your prayers for inspiration as I put my final paper together.
Blessings,
Heidi Saxton
Thank you for this Challenge. This could not have come at a better time in my life. I thought I would just read the posts and learn from them, but after reading your comment, “You receive not, because you ask not”, I felt compelled to ask for everyones prayers for my husband and I. He is retreating into his own world without including me or the kids. Please pray that the Lord will open his heart to us, and pray that I become the person God wants me to be in my marriage and as a mother.
Dear Elaine: Thank you for taking time — and having the courage — to write! As you pray, like St. Scholastica, in silence and with trust, we will stand with you in prayer for your husband, your marriage, and your family. “Whom God has joined, let no one separate.” Let’s ask God for a miracle!
[...] Maria: The 40 Day Challenge [...]
[...] Maria: The 40 Day Challenge [...]
I am trying to open day 5 and it’s not opening. Either are the ones after day 5. It says the link is wrong. anyone else having this issue? bummed, because I look forward to doing these everyday.
I’ll check it Angela — the ones after Day 5 won’t open until that day. But 5 should work — you can read it on the main blog page at http://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.com.
Please tell me what happened to day 21?
It’s up now — sorry to make you wait!
Patiently waiting for the next post. I missed it yesterday.