You Might Be A “SN(e)P If …

When I’m in a mood, Jeff Foxworthy can always find my funny bone. (Pair him up with Ron White and a generous glass of chardonnay, and I have to pull out my emergency stash of Depends.)

Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck” shtick  always gets me going … While poverty and ignorance, by themselves, are no laughing matter, he represents a segment of the population who genuinely need a good laugh, and like to laugh at themselves. And if you can’t beat ’em … well, you know.

With that in mind, I’d like to offer this little Foxworthian tribute to another segment of the population who sorely needs a good laugh: moms, and in particular moms of special needs teenagers. When surging hormones (theirs) meets depleting energy (ours), it can be a volatile mix. If we don’t find a way to laugh — well, we just HAVE to find a way to laugh. Perhaps with a little help of a friend, and a generous glass of chardonnay.

So … YOU MIGHT BE A SPECIAL-NEEDS PARENT (SNeP) IF…

• If the dog dives for cover when the school bus pulls up …
• If you count the Xanax like you were doling out jellybeans in grade school (one for you and one for me, one for you and two for me) …
• If you sign the school paper, put it in the folder and backpack, remind your kid six times to deliver it to teacher … then take it out to scan and send it yourself …
• If you open the mailbox and get more excited over a birthday party invitation (for your child) than the Publisher’s Clearing House guy …
• If you’re beginning to worry that “independence” is just a city in Missouri …
• If your calendar is so full of therapists, doctors, teacher conferences, and psych evals that your dentist plays double duty as your gyno …
• If your child’s psych eval and nocturnal wanderings both keep you up at night …
• If the only thing that scares you more than your child getting asked to prom is the thought that she might not …
• If you settle the question who did the dishes last night by rewinding the safety cameras …
• If your kids’ shenanigans have ghosted more friends than a serial killer …
• If your child’s notebook has more violent artistic renderings than Scotland Yard …
• If your idea of a hot date night is to stay awake long enough to find out Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? or Shall We Dance? (or really, anything that doesn’t have a Disney princess in it) …
• If you blow out the candles of every birthday cake wishing that one day you will get your life back … and hoping that they will launch successfully into theirs …

What would you add to the list?

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Laugh Lines (Funny moment of the week… warning: finish your drink first)

This one was so funny, I just had to share. 

What did you give your husband for your 10th anniversary? Bet this lady’s got you beat.

Thanks to Elizabeth Scalia (a.k.a. “The Anchoress) for sharing!

Mighty Mom Monday: Crawfish Confessions

Here we are, celebrating Thanksgiving with the grandparents.  Each kiddo has a small helping of  meat, veggies, green bean casserole and crawfish dressing on their plate.

 

I keep trying to encourage the Gator-boy (age 3 1/2)  to try his food. 

 

He’ll eat all the meat but nothing else!

 

I point out that crawfish is meat…..”NO!”

 

Wanna try some off Momma’s fork?….”NO!”

 

I’m gonna steal it if you don’t eat it….mmmm mmm…so good….here, you wanna bite?  … “NO!”

 

OK, fine, I give up. Eat the meat, leave the rest, at least you’re quiet and happy and not starting a food fight in Mimi’s formal dining room.

 

Then I get caught up cutting meat for Sonshine……

 

That’s when I hear it.  “Crawfish!…giggle”

 

Huh????

 

I turn around to see that Grandad is helping Gatorboy search for, find and EAT all the crawfish out of his dressing.  Grandparents have magic 🙂

 

I may have to change my name.  

 

signed…..

Nolongermighty Mom.

Mighty Mom Monday: Giving Thanks…

Mighty Mom is back, feeling very thankful … As we enter the

Advent season, let’s join her in a moment of giving thanks.

(I’m especially thankful that the holiday weekend is over and

the kids are back in school!)

Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look

around once in awhile, you could miss it.”

So, what has Mightymom been doing for the last two weeks while

she wasn’t writing Mighty Mom Monday posts?

Cue the music! Sing along with me folks, the tune is

“Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”…

There was retching and puking and cleaning the carpets.
washing the sheets and changing the diapers…
But the best of all …. are the blessings that I can recall!

(Ba dum dum dum)

Sick kids are very snuggly
Even those who usually aren’t
Husbands are very handy
Renting carpet cleaners fast.

Bath time is lots of fun
even several times a day
it makes you smell so yummy
and washes all the sicks away.

Then there’s one more very big… Blessing I must share
I would up and go to work… Leaving hubby there (he’s the best)!

Now all the kids are better
Eating all the food they can
Running around like banshees
Playing hard and chasing cats!

Yup, life moves pretty fast, remember to stop and count your blessings

during this busy season, folks.

Photo credit: Church Candles Online; also photos from Mighty Mom!

Mighty Mom Monday: “When I Grow Up…”

From Sarah’s mail-bag this week…. Thanks, Mighty Mom!

Note: Mommy actually works at Home Depot,

and is selling a shovel.   

Funny Friday: Dog Gone!

If you’re in need of a little chuckle today, I’d like to direct you over to my book website, where my husband recently posted this ecumenical rib-tickler. (Note, the cartoon has several frames … you have to wait for it.)

Thanks, Deb Richardson, for sending it my way!

Weird Mom Moments: EMN Mini-Carnival

Congratulations to Kate Sherwin at “Rosemary Sauce.” Her entry, “Like Mother, Like Son” was this month’s winner of the “Weird Mom Moments” Carnival Contest! Kate won $50, since she had the EMN button prominently displayed on her site! Good work, Kate!

Every mom must have them at one time or another … the moments she looks down at herself and say, “What have I DONE to myself?!” I know I have, as my daughter reminded me only recently. “Don’t be weird, mom…”

I can’t help it. I was born and raised that way … by a woman who clearly did not mind appearing ridiculous for the benefit of her girls (and their respective Girl Scout/religious education/school friends). She would burst into song … loudly, though usually on key … with all sorts of ditties, like:

“I’m wild about horns on automobiles that go WAH_AH_AH_AH_AH_AH_AH (ooga, ooga)”

“John Jacob Jingerheimer Schmidt, his name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout, there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.”

“Oh, an Austrian went yodeling on the mountaintop high…” (and proceeded to tangle with a grizzly bear, St. Bernard, Jersey Cow, and pretty girl with the appropriate gestures and sound effects).

She’d do stuff, too … weird mom stuff. Like the day she took us on a Girl Scout Hike through High Point State Park to teach us trail-making … and we wound up 10 miles up the Appalacian Trail. Or the time she took us camping, and left the bubble gum in our tent; that night we watched the squirrels blowing bubbles as they jumped from tree to tree. Or the time, shortly after my sister had her leg operated on, she brought a hand puppet to stick on my sister’s foot, to give the doctors (and my sister) a good laugh when they pulled back the covers. Or the time our dog got in the house when she was putting the finishing touches on a wedding cake (she made wedding cakes as a sideline when we were little), and she was forced to “fix” the cake rather than make a new one. (I’ll spare you the gory details.)

Judging from how few entries that were submitted for this contest, I’d have to say that there are a lot of moms out there who don’t want to let on about all the weirdness that goes on in their houses. There were a galliant few, however … and my hat goes off to you, too!

“If you jump off that and breakyour leg, don’t come running to me!” Moms are famous for all sorts of homespun wisdom. Barb Szyszkiewicz of “SFO Mom” adds a few memorable zingers of her own in her contribution to the EMN Carnival,  “Things Parents Say (when they live at my house.”

And Sarah (A.K.A. my favorite humor blogger, “Mighty Mom”) adds to the weirdness with her own “Look Before You Touch!”

Thanks, ladies for participating!