You Might Be A “SN(e)P If …

3659451-you-might-be-a-redneck-hillbilly-memesWhen I’m in a mood, Jeff Foxworthy can always find my funny bone. (Pair him up with Ron White and a generous glass of chardonnay, and I have to pull out my emergency stash of Depends.)

Foxworthy’s “You Might Be a Redneck” shtick  always gets me going … While poverty and ignorance, by themselves, are no laughing matter, he represents a segment of the population who genuinely need a good laugh, and like to laugh at themselves. And if you can’t beat ’em … well, you know.

With that in mind, I’d like to offer this little Foxworthian tribute to another segment of the population who sorely needs a good laugh: moms, and in particular moms of special needs teenagers. When surging hormones (theirs) meets depleting energy (ours), it can be a volatile mix. If we don’t find a way to laugh — well, we just HAVE to find a way to laugh. Perhaps with a little help of a friend, and a generous glass of chardonnay.

So … YOU MIGHT BE A SPECIAL-NEEDS PARENT (SNeP) IF…

  • If the dog dives for cover when the school bus pulls up …
  • If you count the Xanax like you were doling out jellybeans in grade school (one for you and one for me, one for you and two for me) …
  • If you sign the school paper, put it in the folder and backpack, remind your kid six times to deliver it to teacher … then take it out to scan and send it yourself …
  • If you open the mailbox and get more excited over a birthday party invitation (for your child) than the Publisher’s Clearing House guy …
  • If you’re beginning to worry that “independence” is just a city in Missouri …
  • If your calendar is so full of therapists, doctors, teacher conferences, and psych evals that your dentist plays double duty as your gyno …
  • If your child’s psych eval and nocturnal wanderings both keep you up at night …
  • If the only thing that scares you more than your child getting asked to prom is the thought that she might not …
  • If you settle the question who did the dishes last night by rewinding the safety cameras …
  • If your kids’ shenanigans have ghosted more friends than a serial killer …
  • If your child’s notebook has more violent artistic renderings than Scotland Yard …
  • If your idea of a hot date night is to stay awake long enough to find out Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? or Shall We Dance? (or really, anything that doesn’t have a Disney princess in it) …
  • If you blow out the candles of every birthday cake wishing that one day you will get your life back … and hoping that they will launch successfully into theirs …

What would you add to the list?

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