A couple of years ago I posted instructions on how to bake a gingerbread house that continues to draw a substantial amount of traffic.  This year I’m making three gingerbread houses and five dozen oversized gingerbread men for Boosters, and after making gingerbread dough in those kinds of mass quantities, I was reminded of a few tips that I wanted to pass along to those who are new to baking this Christmas confection.

*  Use quality ingredients. Preferably Crisco (not all-purpose vegetable shortening) and “Grandma’s molasses.”  This year I tried to cut corners by stocking up with the low-grade, no-name molasses. It turned the dough quite a bit darker than I was used to — and added a bitter aftertaste I did not like at all. Stick with Grandma’s (or possibly B’rer Rabbit).

*  Use foil or parchment paper (my favorite) to roll out the dough and bake. Roll on top of waxed paper to avoid using flour, to keep the dough nice and dark. Don’t forget to chill the dough at least an hour before rolling it out.

*  Use the touch test to check for doneness. It should spring back, without leaving an indent. Leave it on the pans for several minutes before moving it to waxed paper to cool. It will darken and harden as it cools.

*  If ground cloves are out of your budget (when I went to buy them, they were over $7/teeny, tiny jar that had barely enough for three batches), you can use allspice.

*  Use ROYAL icing to decorate — put 2-3 Tbls powdered egg white in per pound of confectioner’s sugar to get the icing to harden quickly. Then just add water to the right consistency.

At our house, the Friday after Thanksgiving is Gingerbread House Day.  If you’re going to adopt that tradition at your house, be sure to take a picture and put a link in the comments.

Happy Thanksgiving . . . and Advent, too!

In an article posted today at CatholicExchange.com, How Co-habitation is a Sin Against Social Justice, Dr. Jennifer Robuck points to co-habitation as one of the greatest dangers to the physical and spiritual well-being of children, particularly when children unrelated to the partner are living under the same roof. Morse writes:

“…we know that a cohabiting boyfriend is the person most likely to abuse a child. From British child-abuse registries, we learn that a child living with his or her mother and a live-in boyfriend is 33 times more likely to be abused than a child living with his or her biological married parents. From a study of inflicted injury deaths in Missouri, we learn that children living in households with unrelated adults were 50 times more likely to die of inflicted injuries than households with both biological parents present. In 82% of the cases, the ‘unrelated adult’ was the mother’s cohabiting boyfriend.”

The issue is not primarily the fact that the man is biologically unrelated (as is clearly demonstrated by the fact that so many couples choose to expand their families through adoption). But when a couple lives together without the sacrament of marriage, the instability of the partnership has a profound affect of the children living within the home.

I would add a caveat to Dr. Morse’s observations, however.  A single mother must consider carefully — and as objectively as possible — the type of man she is dating long before the question of marriage (or co-habitation) is raised. The sacrament of matrimony is not a magical panacea.  An immature, selfish wolf won’t turn “sheepish” just because you put a wedding band on the fourth finger of his left hand.

In my article “Marriage and the Single Mom,” I address some of the red flags that can creep into a relationship, signaling that the man in question is not a suitable spouse.

I don’t need to look any farther than my own family circle to show what can happen to children when their mothers make an ill-advised match. (Thankfully, my sister and her daughter managed to escape her abuser, and she chose much more wisely the second time around.)

The mutual self-donation that is part-and-parcel of a sacramental union is made by the husband and wife for the benefit of their children — whether or not those children have a biological connection to their parents.  If the woman’s future husband is willing to love her children without reservation, out of love for Christ, well and good.

If their mother has any doubts about this, however, she is wise not to risk the wellbeing of her children by tying her future to a man she cannot trust to love her children as his own.  Her highest responsibility is her children, and her happiness is inextricably tied to theirs.

This doesn’t mean, of course, that you will be alone for the rest of your life. Every life has its chapters and seasons, and the time may come when God brings the man who is worthy of your family into your life. Or, if you ask Him, He may also bring other people into your life who can give you the kind of encouragement and support you need right now. 

Have you asked Him? Today?

Looking for something a little different to spice up this holiday feast?  This weekend I’m going to be creating three gingerbread houses and umpteen gingerbread men for Boosters, so I thought I should get a couple of posts up while I have time…  So “Wee Cook Wednesday” is up a bit early, to allow you to go out and get your feast underway!

Below I’ve included two recipes: one for a fabulous “Spinach Pie” that calls for phyllo dough (the trick is use LOTS of butter, and don’t leave it uncovered too long) and a full pound of feta cheese.  The other is for a spicy cranberry chutney that I found in the AnnArbor.com, courtesy of Food Editor Teresa Shaw. For those seeking a little more adventure than the lump of crimson that comes out of the cranberry can to go with their turkey.

The first recipe, from the “South Arbor Family Recipes” book, is a wonderful Greek dish that had both my husband and kids gobbling with impressive speed! 

Spinach Pie

1 C butter
1 onion, finely chopped
1 bunch green onions, sliced fine
1 lb feta cheese, crumbled
1 lb cottage or ricotta cheese
2 pkg frozen spinach, thawed and water squeezed out
1/2 C frina (or cream of rice cereal). (I used 3 Tbls of corn starch mixed in with the eggs instead)
6 eggs, beaten
salt and pepper to taste
1 lb phyllo pastry

Butter bottom and sides of a 12×18 jelly roll pan (I used a 9×13 casserole and it worked fine). Set aside. Pour 1/4 C butter in frying pan, add onions and saute until golden. In large bowl combine cheeses, spinach, farina; stir in onion mixture. Add eggs gradually, stirring constantly. Season with salt and pepper, set aside.

Roll out phyllo dough and cover with plastic wrap and damp tea towel. Put remaining melted butter in small dish and get out a pastry brush. Place 1-2 sheets of phyllo in jelly roll pan, allowing ends to hang over side. Brush with butter, then add additional layers of phyllo, brushing each layer with more melted butter. Pour spinach mixture over all, and fold ends of phyllo back over cheese mixture. Brush the ends with butter.

Place remaining pastry sheets over cheese mixture, continuing to brush with butter over each layer. Score top sheets for ease of slicing after baking. Bake 325 for 45 minutes. Serves 12-16. (Or 6-8 if they’re REALLY hungry).

Cranberry Chutney (courtesy of Teresa Shaw of AnnArbor.com).

2 Granny Smith apples, cored and chopped
2-1/4 C cranberries, picked through and rinsed (1 bag)
1 C brown sugar
1/2 C apple cider vinegar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground clobes
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper
1/2 C raisins (optional — I threw in a handful of crushed walnuts instead at the end of the cooking)

Place all ingredients in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer about 25 minutes, until cranberries have begun to cook down and chutney has thickened. Place in airtight container and serve within a week — or freeze or can to keep it longer.

Picture credit:  I found this lovely shot at “Eclectic Epicurian.com”

This weekend Craig and I slipped away on Saturday afternoon to take in a matinee.  Blind Side is a movie I NEVER would have picked in a million years . . . if I hadn’t already known the remarkable back story. As it was, it was so compelling I scarcely noticed the football.

The gentle giant (played by Quinton Aaron), found wandering in the frigid Memphis air, is picked up by the Tuohy family (Tim McGraw, Sandra Bullock) who proceed to take him home, feed and clothe him, pay for a private tutor, and teach him the business end of a football. Out of the thousands of kids who languish in the system, or worse, this kid gets a chance . . . and, despite all odds, he makes the most of it. Today he is offensive lineman for the Baltimore Ravens (NFL).

Perhaps not surprisingly — the issue is raised for us in the first few seconds of the movie — not everyone see the “rescue” as a good thing. Some even hint that the “poor black jock” is simply being exploited by his adoptive family, who only want to offer him up to their alma mater.  What other reason could a wealthy white couple have for taking in a poor black homeless kid?  This kind of cold-blooded generalization is articulated all too well in the following article by Steve Sailer entitled “The Next Liberal Fad: A ‘Stolen Generation’ of Black Children?”

Reviewing Blind Side and Precious, Steve Sailer observes, “These two films help us understand the common denominator of the demands increasingly heard in the media for mandatory preschool, longer school days, shorter summer vacations, and universal post-high school education. They flow from the inevitable logic of the following syllogism:

• “Since 45 years of Great Society programs subsidizing black families have failed to close the black-white gap in school achievement;
• And since only evil people suspect that nature as well as nurture plays a role in the black-white gap;
• Therefore, poor black children are victims of their family environments, and thus should be, as much as possible, kept away from their families and raised by whites or middle-class blacks.“

What isn’t clear to me is what, exactly, is the preferred PC alternative. Leave Michael on the streets to find his way back to the Projects, so he can die like the rest? Sure, the Tuohy’s offered Michael opportunities he wouldn’t have had if he had stayed with another family in the projects — and in many ways, I’m sure his life would have been easier had he been able to stay with the family friends who’d originally had him placed in Briarcrest. We’ll never know, since that option was not available to him.

Ultimately the standard has to be “best interests of the child.” And sadly, those interests must sometimes be prioritized because there are simply no options to cover them all. Had the black family in the beginning of the movie continued to raise Michael in their home, it is likely he would never have been drafted to the NFL . . . although he could have.

And yet, the reality was that Michael’s choice was not between a black family and a white family. It was between a white family and NO family, since neither his father (who had disappeared) or his mother (who by her own admission could not care for him and did not even want to see him) could care for him.

Can anyone seriously argue that being raised by the Tuohy’s was less desirable than returning him to the gang in the projects, to be devoured by gangs and drug peddlers, not much better than animals themselves? Of course not.

Nuture vs. nature. In the world of adoption, it’s never an either-or proposition. To thrive and reach his full potential, a child must have both. Invariably, it involves the kind of support for which Michael Oher became famous: an instinctively protective “I’ve got your back.” And from that position, it’s very easy to turn a “blind side” to everything else.

Michelle at Scribbit had her recipe for Apple Brie Bread with Almonds posted at her site the other day, and it looked like the perfect combination of savory and sweet for those holiday party nibblers. She’s such a fantastic cook, I’m glad she lives in Alaska, or I’d be peeking over her fence every other day for an invitation to tea!

Last weekend I finished compiling the first “South Arbor Family Recipes” book. They’re $12 each, and have a special section inside where you can put a few of your own recipes to personalize it for Christmas gifts. If you’d like a copy, just send me a check!  (I have my husband creating a website where you can order through PayPal right now …).

Need my address? Drop me an email.

Today at The R House I came across this letter from a birthmother to her child, explaining the way she came to decide on adoption. Mrs.R’s post “Another Reason I Love Open Adoption” is a compelling one. And I wanted to pass it along in case you’re interested in reading about open adoption. (I believe Mrs. R is a foster-adoptive mother.)

Bottom line: The birth mom in this letter had a loving, supportive friend made it possible for her to weigh her options — all her options — completely and without judgment.  You can read the story here.

Like many young moms, she started out vascillating between motherhood and abortion. Only gradually, as she learned more about adoption and realized how unprepared she and the child’s father were for parenthood, did she find the courage to reconsider her original position.

It’s not often you find such selfless courage. May God bless her for it.

The Gospel reading this weekend is from the Gospel of Luke 18:

Jesus told his disciples a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said, “There was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respected any human being. And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, ‘Render a just decision for me against my adversary.’ For a long time the judge was unwilling, but eventually he thought, ‘While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, because this widow keeps bothering me I shall deliver a just decision for her lest she finally come and strike me.’” The Lord said, “Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says. Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”

When we implore God to help us, over and over, do we really expect that He will hear . . . and answer?

Maybe. Maybe not. And maybe we’ll only accept the “answer” if it aligns with our own sense of justice.

This week, how can I lean on God with greater abandon, entrust my life to Him even more completely?

I have a dear friend who has hosted an exchange student each year for the past five years or so. She and her husband are energetic, generous people — we truly could not have done as good a job with our kids had they not been so supportive.

This year the exchange program has not gone as well as in years past. They had to have a student moved to another home. When this happened, something prompted me to ask …

“Have you ever considered taking a teenager from the foster care system? You know, one that wouldn’t go back at the end of the school year?”

She smiled and nodded. She had thought of it, more than once. Maybe an eight year old or so. All she had to do was to convince her husband.

Now, her husband is a large part of the reason I think any foster kid would be lucky to have a home with them. This man is a harder worker — and more “handy” — than most other men I’ve known. He built their home nearly single-handedly, and is constantly looking for ways to improve their property. Any kid who lived with this couple would come away knowing the satisfaction of hard work.

But of all the reasons I pray for this couple to consider adoption, the most important reason is this: I see in my friend a natural mother, a nurturer who at present has no natural outlet for her gifts. It’s sad, really, for someone with so much love in her heart not to have a child with whom to share it.

And so, Lord, today I remember ALL those couples who are groping their way toward parenthood. Shed your divine light upon the way that you have planned . . . until every little soul in need of a family, has a forever home.

In the name of the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen!

Last week Michelle at Scribbit posted this extraordinary post about 10 truly unusual deaths in history.

Today we remember those we love, who have gone before us in death. Grandparents, and in some cases parents. Old friends. Even children — including those who never saw the light of day.

For the Christian, the pain of separation from our loved ones in death is very real . . . and yet, we also know it is only temporary. Confident in the love and mercy of God, we can entrust the souls of our loved ones into His almighty hands, knowing that he loves them even more perfectly than we can. And, if it please him, we will all be together one day again.

Today I offer this prayer for those who never expected to find themselves in purgatory . . . and whose loved ones do not believe in the necessity of a final purgation for those destined to see God face to face. I wrote this prayer shortly after the death of my dear friend, evangelical pastor Charlie Shedd, with whom I worked on several projects when I was an editor for Servant Publications. Oh, how I miss him!

God alone knows the mysteries of life and death; He alone holds these things in His hands. Still, He commands us to pray for one another – brother and sister branches in the one true Vine. Charlie, if you’re still on the way, this one’s for you . . . If not, please pray for me!

Heavenly Father,
we offer up to you our heartfelt intentions,
united with the merits of Your precious Son,
whose death ransoms and restores
every soul who calls upon Your name.

We seek Your mercy,
not only for ourselves but also for those
wandering in darkness, mystified and alone.
Send Your angels to guide them through
the water and the fire, till every blemish fades.

And when we meet again,
may we rejoice eternally not because we were right,
but because You are righteous. And may we adore You
not because we escaped the fires of hell,
but because You are the true and lasting light.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
especially those who did not believe in life
that they would need our prayers in death.

Dear Jesus, be with those we love.
Especially those imperfect souls we loved best
while they were with us.

(c) 2006 Heidi Hess Saxton

As Father Chas reminded us today, All Saints Day (November 1) is to remember not just the “famous” saints — our brothers and sisters in faith whose life stories and writings are found in hundreds of books, whom the Church has officially declared to be in heaven — but the “little saints” remembered only by a handful of people … and some, not at all.

Today my mother-in-law passed the name of one such person on to me. Her name was Irena Sendler, and she worked as a plumber/specialist in the Warsaw Ghetto during World War II.  Here is what we know about Irena, who recently passed away at the age of 98.  May she rest in peace.

During WWII, Irena got permission to work in the Warsaw Ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. She had an ‘ulterior motive’ …  She KNEW what the Nazi’s plans were for the Jews, (being German.) Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids..) She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.. During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants. She was caught, and the Nazi’s broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family. Most had been gassed. Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted.

Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize … She was not selected. Al Gore won, for a slide show on Global Warming.  

Eternal rest grant to her, oh Lord, and may your perpetual light shine upon her.
May her soul, and the soul of all the faithful departed, by the mercy of God rest in peace.